The Movie Rants & Reviews!

     Ever get those moments when you've watched what you hoped would be a good film only to come out of it disappointed and wanted to rant off to someone.
     Me too.....

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1. Chronicle
   [4/february/2012] Score: 10/10
   Using the video diary style like so many recent SF teen thrillers this displays a new level of skill and sophistication in its production through the device of telekinetic teenagers who can not only manipulate their lives, but the viewpoint of the audience.  It's this which adds the thrills and drama to what would normally be an angst-ridden teenage coming-of-age horror story, and that's why it deserves a high score for entertainment with skill.
   Verdict: Add it to your diary.
2. Man On A Ledge
   [4/february/2012] Score: 8/10
   With numerous of the standard innocent-man-fighting-for-justice themes and some typical implausible nonsense about penetrating "impenetrable security" (why is it always so impenetrable then easy to wriggle through the ducts, and why is it always ducts!?) this still punches above its weight, and what appears to be a simple crime story turns into a brisk thriller with added sexiness and humour.  Yes, we all know how it ought to end, but there good twists and tricks along the way.
   Verdict: It's a nice little sparkler.
3. The Descendants
   [29/january/2012] Score: 10/10
   For simple, gripping human drama, without all the shouting and running around nonsense seen in many "dramas" this shows you how to craft (not manufacture) a beautiful piece of art and humanity that will live with you for years to come.  It will never satisfy the adrenalin junkie but for the rest of us who need an occasional break from all the screaming it holds on to the end and deserves your love.
   Verdict: Descend on it.
4. The Grey
   [28/january/2012] Score: 2/10
   No wolves were harmed, or even involved, in the making of this movie.
   No intelligent script-writers were involved in the making of this movie.
   No common sense was involved in the making of this movie.
   I expect the Wolf Protection League to be suing the makers as soon as they've stopped laughing over this.
   I'm only giving it a score of two, for those who want to enjoy the nonsense for a light evening before getting down to something serious. Thirty-five minutes after walking out of this half-way through (so un-gripping I didn't bother waiting for the climatic joke ending) I conceived of a more plausible, thrilling answer to it and if I ever raise the funds will put it into production for your entertainment.
   Verdict: Grey & Dull, just like the weather in this joke.
5. The Artist
   [28/january/2012] Score: 10/10
   Someone, somewhere in Hollywoodland must be cursing themselves at turning this idea down, but then most people would have done the same with such an extraordinary proposition of making a black and white silent film to celebrate the golden age of Hollywood's first era just before and during the rise of the "talkies"; and yet the performances, the integrity of not yielding to temptation of making it a gimmick, leaving it all to the artists, the photography and the music to take you back to those magical early days.
   Verdict: Silence is golden.
6. The Sitter
   [24/january/2012] Score: 6/10
   There is a special sub-genre of American comedy, the "Night On The Town Adventure" as a gang of teenagers or some other worthy character has an adventure from the deathly dull suburbs deep into the heart of the vibrant, dangerous city.
   Here's another one, "the Babysitter has a coming-of-age adventure", with a few more adult sex flavours thrown in for the grown-up audience.  All the key ingredients are there, the ability to make stupid errors, the ability to "get on and get down" with the criminal underworld who wouldn't scare your granny and the spoilt wild children who learn more in one night than they have in years with their parents.
   Verdict: Sit in on it.
7. Haywire
   [21/january/2012] Score: 7/10
   A cool, calculating, studied and slightly more realistic approach to an American "spy" movie (Americans get to shoot a lot more than non-American spy movies - "Tinker Tailor", et al) as one girl betrayed (this is an American story, all spies get betrayed in them) sets out to uncover the truth (this is an American story, they're obsessed with uncovering the "Truth") and avenge herself against those who betrayed her.
   Verdict: Hey ho, a babe Bourne is born?
8. J Edgar
   [21/january/2012] Score: 6/10
   A careful dramatic telling of, some of, the life story of the little egomaniac and hero of American law enforcement J Edgar Hoover, his secret manipulation of people in power through abuse of his own, and a study of some of the background to all his motives and behaviour throughout his life.  Finding a careful balance amongst all the different threads for such a life leaves many gaps, but the story amounts to a good sketch of a subject.
   Verdict: X-filed.
9. Underworld: Awakening
   [20/january/2012] Score: 7/10
   I do love how vampire Selene is able to get so many guns, ammunition and grenades inside her skintight rubber uniform(?) without showing any visible sign, who are her tailors?  This is a silly fun episode in the Underworld chronology, and it has to be thought of as an episode because you can tell from the shortness of the film and the complexity of the story that the producers are planning at least another sequel.  Whether they'll be able to ignore various gigantic plotholes is another matter, like how come a vampire is able to become a cop, what did he do, take night school and only work night shifts?  Another question is whether the writers will be able to get around the one single and most direct way for Selene to communicate with Michael and get together in the first five minutes of the next episode (hint: through little girl's eyes)?
   For something like the Underworld films the key is the pace, as the entire sequence is effectively taking place in days of subjective time, barring the 12 year leap between this and the last one, so getting around the plotholes is just a case of upping the speed. I eagerly anticipate that the sequel could effectively be a real-time movie - 90 minutes of plotline in a 90 minute film.
   Verdict: Hot mama!
10. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo 
    [18/january/2012] Score: 8/10
    The key distinction between this, the English, version and the earlier Swedish adaption is the budget that oozes out through every scene.  It begins over-the-top like a Bond movie, has a few of those Bond-like thrills and fills in the gaps and details in the story if you saw the Swedish (extended) version but never read the book, hope to see the other two in due course to learn what else we all missed.
    Footnote: interesting to hear in the film that Lisbeth appears to have stolen over "two billion euros" from Wennerstrom (listen to the TV news report in the background) whereas the novel says she stole about $260 million, converting only about 10% to cash and storing the rest away in a safe deposit box. You've really got to keep track of all this.
    Verdict: Complementary production.
11. The Darkest Hour
    [14/january, 2012] Score: 5/10
    There is a fundamental Rule about the end of the world - never, absolutely never, ever, really, ever, allow any hysterical Americans in your home, your town, your city, your country, especially when they're being chased by aliens, zombies or vampires.  They will lead the monsters to your doorstep, then, with the enthusiastic zeal of all idiot scripts, leave the door open, because they're too dumb to know how a door works (all Americans think doors open and close magically), and wander around talking about "issues" they had with their parents and can't say "sorry" now they're all dead, before your entire home, town, etc., are destroyed, only for the Americans, except one who is cleverer and tries to fight the monsters off, manage an escape with as shrug of their sweet little shoulders and a casual "sorry guy" as they leave you to your terrible death and lurch on to the next home, town, etc.
    This is a perfect lesson to all who fear they too will one day face "Americans at the end of the world" (TM).
    Verdict: Pay attention to this silly fun.

Earlier reviews are archived here:-

• Archive 05 - 2011
  Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol, Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows, Hugo, The Thing, Moneyball, Justice, Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part One, Immortals, The Rum Diary, Machine Gun Preacher, In Time, Tower Heist, The Ides Of March, The Adventures Of Tintin, Anonymous, Contagion, Real Steel, Johnny English Reborn, The Three Musketeer, The Debt, Red State, Killer Elite, Drive, 30 Minutes Or Less, Troll Hunter, Colombiana, Kill List, Apollo 18, Fright Night 3D, Conan The Barbarian, Cowboys & Aliens, Super 8, Captain America, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, Part 2, Transformers: Dark Of The Moon, Bad Teacher, Stakeland, Green Lantern, X-Men: First Class, Hangover: Part II, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Attack The Block, TT3D, Priest, 13 Assassins, Hanna, Red Riding Hood, THOR 3D, Arthur, Fast & Furious 5, Tomorrow, When The War Began, Hop, Killing Bono, Source Code, Sucker Punch, The Eagle, Limitless, The Lincoln Lawyer, Chalet Girl, Battle: Los Angeles, Fair Game, The Adjustment Bureau, Unknown, Drive Angry, I Am Number Four, Paul, Yogi Bear, True Grit, Morning Glory, Barney's Version, Tangled, The Green Hornet, Conviction, Season Of The Witch, The Next Three Days, The King's Speech
• Archive 04 - 2010
  The Way Back, Tron Legacy 3D, Burlesque, The Tourist, Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader, Monsters, Megamind, Unstoppable, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest, London Boulevard, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1, Skyline, Let Me In, Despicable Me, Burke And Hare, RED, The Social Network, Made In Dagenham, The Other Guys, The Town, Tamara Drewe, Winter's Bone, Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D, The Girl Who Played With Fire, Scott Pilgrim V. The World, Piranha 3D, Salt, The Expendables, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, Knight And Day, The A-Team, The Karate Kid, Inception, Predators, Twilight Saga: Eclipse, Shrek Forever After, Get Him To The Greek, Killers, Wild Target, Brooklyn's Finest, The Losers, Prince Of Persia, Robin Hood, Hot Tub Time Machine, Four Lions, The Joneses, It's a Wonderful Afterlife, Iron Man 2, Date Night, The Ghost, Kick-Ass, Clash Of The Titans, The Blind Side, The Bounty Hunter, Green Zone, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Alice In Wonderland, The Crazies, Solomon Kane, The Wolfman, Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief, Youth In Revolt, Invictus, The Book Of Eli, Up In The Air, Daybreakers, Sherlock Holmes
• Archive 03 - 2009
  Sherlock Holmes, Avatar, St Trinians 2, Law Abiding Citizen, Twilight: New Moon, The Informant, 2012, Harry Brown, Jennifer's Body, The Fourth Kind, The Men Who Stare At Goats, Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Zombieland, Pandorum, Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, Gamer, Whiteout, Sorority Row, Julie And Julia, District 9, Broken Embraces, The Hurt Locker, Inglourious Basterds, GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra, Moon, Ice Age 3, Land Of The Lost, Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, Public Enemies, Sunshine Cleaning, Year One, Blood: The Last Vampire, Transformers: The Revenge Of The Fallen, Red Cliff, The Hangover, Drag Me To Hell, Terminator Salvation, 12 Rounds, Tormented, Night At The Museum II, Angels & Demons, Star Trek, Coraline, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, State Of Play, Crank: High Voltage, Race To Witch Mountain, Fast and Furious, Let The Right One In, Dragonball:Evolution, Monsters V. Aliens 3D, The Boat That Rocked, Knowing, Lesbian Vampire Killers, Duplicity, Flash Of Genius, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Watchmen, Gran Turino, The International, Push, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Bolt 3-D, Doubt, Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, Frost/Nixon, Underworld: Rise Of The Lycans, Slumdog Millionaire, Wrestler, Defiance, The Spirit, Che
• Archive 02 - 2008.
  Covers: Bedtime Stories, Australia, Yes Man, A Bunch Of Amateurs, Twilight, Madagascar Escape 2 Africa, Inkheart, The Day The Earth Stood Still, Transporter 3, Body of Lies, Zack and Miri make a porno, Max Payne, Quantum of Solace, Burn After Reading, Eagle Eye, Igor, House Bunny, City Of Ember, How To Loose Friends And Alienate People, The Dutchess, Righteous Kill, Death Race, Appaloosa, Taken, Tropic Thunder, Rocknrolla, Pineapple Express, Bangkok Dangerous, Get Smart, Babylon A.D., Hellboy:The Golden Army, The Mummy: Dragon Emperor, Kung Fu Panda, The X-Files: I Want To Believe, The Dark Knight, Wall-E, Journey to The Centre Of The World, The Forbidden Kingdom, Hancock, Female Agents, Wanted, Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, The Incredible Hulk, Gone Baby Gone, Superhero Movie, Mongol, Nim's Island, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, What Happens In Vegas, Doomsday, Speed Racer, Iron Man,Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Deception, Street Kings, In Bruges, Fool's Gold, 21, Leatherheads, The Spiderwick Chronicles, Step Up 2 The Streets, The Cottage, 10000 BC, Vantage Point, Untraceable, The Bank Job, Rambo, There Will Be Blood, Jumper, Juno, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, Sweeny Todd, Cloverfield, Underdog, Aliens versus Predator, No Country For Old Men, Charlie Wilson's War, Alvin and the Chipmonks
• Archive 01 - 2004 upto end-2007.
  Covers: I Am Legend, St Trinian's, Enchanted, The Golden Compass, Hitman, August Rush, American Gangster, Beowolf 3D, Silk, Lions for Lambs, Good Luck Chuck, Planet Terror, Elizabeth The Golden Age, 30 days of Night, Nancy Drew, The Dark Is Rising, Sicko, Eastern Promises, Stardust, Ratatouille, Resident Evil: Extinction, Heartbreak Kid, Day Watch, The Kingdom, The Brave One, Michael Clayton, Deathproof, Disturbia, Shoot 'Em UP, Run Fatboy Run, Breach, Knocked Up, The Bourne Ultimatum, The Simpsons, The Hoax, Evan Almighty,Transformers, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Die Hard 4.0, Shrek The Third, Fantastic Four, Silver Surfer, Ocean's Thirteen, Wedding Daze, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, The Painted Veil, 28 Weeks, Spiderman 3, Reno 911, Straightheads, Next, Alpha Dog, The Reaping, Fracture, Shooter, Curse of the Golden Flower, Sunshine, Amazing Grace, 300, Sleeping Dogs, Premonition, Outlaw, Science of Sleep, Hot Fuzz, Blood Diamond, Miss Potter, Apocalypto, Flags of our fathers, Eragon, Casino Royale, Starter for Ten, Romanzo Criminale, Departed, Devil Wears Prada, Hoodwinked, DOA - Dead or Alive, Crank, A Scanner Darkly, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Miami Vice, Superman Returns, X-Men 3, V for Vendetta, Aeon Flux, Underworld:Evolution, Just LIke Heaven, King Kong, Keeping Mum, Goblet of Fire, Constant Gardener, Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the Wererabbit, Howl's Moving Castle, Serenity, Fantastic Four, War of the Worlds, Kung Fu Hustle, Batman Begins, The Jacket, Kingdom of Heaven, Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy, The Interpeter, Placid Lake, Maria Full of Grace, Miss Congeniality, Hitch, Hotel Rwanda, The Life Aquatic, Shall We Dance, Sideways, Sky Captain, The Terminal, Hero, Chronicles of Riddick, Helboy, Dodgeball, Bourne Supremacy